Instant Human Just add coffee.

I used to have a t-shirt with that on but it got ruined when they cut it off me in hospital after my bike crash. Yesterday I wished I still had it. It would have served as a warning to all who crossed my path.

It was August Bank Holiday yesterday so I didn't have to work. This meant I got a (very short) lie-in. When I did get up I went through the usual ritual. Put something on, zombie-shuffle downstairs and sleep-walk to the kitchen. Crack one eye open about half-way. Locate switch for coffee machine. Switch on. Wait for coffee to brew. Drink coffee. Drink more coffee. Join the land on the living. Yesterday didn't follow the plan. I got as fair as the waiting part. Nothing happened. No coffee. Short period of mild hysteria followed. Much begging. "Please coffee machine, please don't die, please give me coffee." It still didn't work. Checked plug. Checked fuse. All electrics working perfectly. The horror of it all sank in.

The coffee machine was broken.

There was no coffee.

When this happens I usually go green and destroy shirts. (But never trousers - weird that.) The kid tried to placate me. "We'll nip out and get a new one." "I need coffee." "Don't worry, the shops are open later today, we can buy a better one." "Need coffee, NOW." "We have a jar of instant somewhere. That'll keep you going." "Instant?? Instant?! Ze does not stoop to the depravity of instant coffee." Funny how quickly pride takes a tumble when caffeine withdrawal kicks in. The shame of it, I drank instant. And clock-watched. "Is it time yet??" "No." "Is it time to go to the shop yet??" "No." "Is it.." "NO!!"

Four hours later I sat in the kitchen and cradled my new (and ridiculously expensive) Krups coffee machine. And had a coffee. Or three. Or four. The cats have finally come out from behind the cupboard (I only growled at them once, honest). And I'll pop back to Dingles later in the week and apologise to that poor shop assistant. We bought a cafetiere as well - just in case. The kid wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. She said I made Cujo look like a kitten.

Perhaps I should think about cutting down. Perhaps twelve cups a day is too many.

Ze

BtVS

• Chapter 29 of Voices from the Past by rebelrsr (Her website).
  
  
• Chapter 2 of Champion of the Chosen by KW_Jordan (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• Chapter 12 of Edge of Destruction by invalid_reality (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• Chapter 11 of These Four walls by liljemsey (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• The Way by Gimini523 (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• Another Perspective by serpi (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• Part 1 of Falling Faith by fallendragon13 (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  Criminal Minds
  
• Movie Night by jessi_08 (Women in Kevlar).
  
  
• Chapter 9 of Was it a Dream, was I in it? by lostnfoundcause (Women in Kevlar).
  
  
• Part 6 (conclusion) of Inferno by lovepb (C M Femslash).
  
  CSI:Miami
  
• Chapter 8C of Choices by sinjenkai (Women in Kevlar).
  
  Doctor Who.Sarah Jane adventures
  
• Gaol by xhecticbankaix (D W Femslash).
  
  (Kim Harrison's) The Hollows
  
• Brimstone by roarax (ivy_rachel).
  
  Original
  
• Always Have Been by Rosy S. (Sapphic Voices).
  
  
• That Night by Jezebel Writesome (Sapphic Voices).
  
  
• Chapter 2.19 of Flowers of Edo by Nene Adams (Her website).
  
  Stargate SG-1
  
• Part 1 of Trauma: Headache by SJSlashfan (Area 52).
  
  Xena Warrior Princess
  
• My Guardian Angel by Bardaholic (Sapphic Voices).