Sunday, May 31, 2009

Ramble from phair

I woke up Thursday morning and thought I was getting a visual migraine. They're rare but not unheard of events for me. However, I haven't experienced one in over a year. I've taken a much greater interest in my general health in the last sixteen months; losing sixty five pounds, getting my blood pressure down, getting my chronic anemia under control, eating better, sleeping right, easing stress, growing well being, and establishing peace in my home and heart.

If you've never had the pleasure of a visual migraine, I'll give you the short version of the phenomena. An obstruction appears in the visual field like a flickering line on an old celluloid movie and proceeds to move horizontally across the line of sight until it disappears. After it passes, a massive headache explodes just above your nose and mushrooms out. Many folks get violently ill from the pain and vomit which only makes a bad thing worse.

Knowing this I did the only thing a sane person would do; I raced off to work to get as much done as I could before my vision was completely compromised. Okay, not a good plan but I love my job and there is so much to do and…I'm dumb. Sometimes I act like the jerk who thinks the world can't run without them and drags into the office making everybody else wish they'd just go home.

I got done what I needed to do in record time. The visual migraine had barely moved and the headache hadn't hit. Excellent! I raced home and hopped into bed thinking I'd sleep through the worst of the rest of it. Three hours later I woke up and the object hadn't moved at all. Ooops. No headache either. Ooops again. Self diagnosis sudden seemed like a very bad idea.

My Mom went blind in her sixties. She was a musician who also loved to read, watch television, and drive. My Dad never learned to drive. Didn't like the idea of steering an enormous gas powered metal vehicle through the narrow streets of Boston at high speeds. He was very happy with permanent passenger status. Mom was the driver in the car and in her life. She loved driving almost as much as her music. Losing her eyesight ruined the last two decades of her life.

Living through her nightmare with her, I've always taken my eyesight very seriously. My eyes get checked at the same clinic which followed Mom's descent into darkness. Up to now, my only blip has been reading glasses. So, I called the nice folks at Eye Health. “GET DOWN HERE! NOW!” Yes, they sounded kind of nervous for me. They told me to call them back if I got stuck in traffic. Rush hour around Boston is no joke. We locals usually expect people to take longer to get places after 5pm. The fact they wanted to hear from me while I was on the way made me a little more worried than I already was. But, my Mom was the best driver I ever met. She knew every side road between Boston and Wellfleet. And, she taught me. I got it to the clinic in just under thirty minutes.

If you've ever had your eyes checked by an ophthalmologist then you know they blind you so they can see better during the exam. The doc told me she could see the circle in my field of vision just like I described it. Wait, she could see it? That meant it wasn't a migraine, right? Right. It looked to her like fluid had formed around a previously identified small, old, healed tear in my retina. I would have to come back Friday morning for the Retina specialist to confirm the swelling. They sent me home telling me to try to rest and try not to worry.

Worry? What's to worry about? I only need to read and write for both my jobs. Jobs I love, bye the way. I mean, I really love my work. When you look up ‘find the job you love' in the dictionary, there's a picture of me smiling! There's a second happy picture of me when you look up ‘embracing your art.' I literally leap out of bed in the morning to run off to the day job and then I hurry home to write. I mean, how could my life be better than a wonderful home, meaningful work which keeps me fed, sheltered, and dressed and an art which brings me closer to God with every stroke of my pen (keyboard). Worry, worry, worry.

Today I met the Retina specialist. Nice guy. Warm hands. Still, they blinded me so he could see better. Yep, there's fluid and swelling around that small, old, healed rip in my retina. This specialist said my eye condition is called central serous retinopathy. It might be caused by job related stress or an intestinal infection or maybe for no reason at all. I need to go back next week so they can map behind my eyes to find the drip. If it is too bad then they'll need to use lasers to seal the leak. Fun! Burning blasts of light shot into my eyes. Just like they did to my Mom. Didn't work for her, though. The specialist said my condition usually doesn't result in blindness…I'm gonna hold him to that if I can.

But, this ramble isn't about all that. This is about the fabulous people from my list. I sent out a notice earlier today to let them know my two stories would be slowed down from their twice weekly posting schedule because…I can't see to write. By afternoon, I received dozens of emails offering good thoughts, prayers, and help. Most of the messages were written in extra large soft colored print. Not only am I humbled by the show of support but I hadn't thought of giving my sore eyes a break with a lighter color print. Purple seems to be particularly soothing. I did figure out the big part on my own. 22 Tahoma is just the ticket for composing. I'm hoping to get to work on my stories this weekend. With just a little luck, I may have enough to post on Monday or Tuesday.

Thank you to all you great folks who keep reading the works of writers like me. Your thoughts and support mean more than you know!

best
phair
ps get your eyes checked regularly


Phair, my good wishes are sent! Hoping for the best.

Okay all, preparing for back to work after a long and productive weekend. May you all enjoy your update!

Elisa

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