Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Courage

It's a strange thing, courage. Difficult to define but you know it when you see it. I'm not rambling tonight. I'm handing you over to a guest rambler. This is a note from Joan. A very courageous woman. Not just for this post but for making the journey.

The Take of a Transwoman

Hiya all you ladies out there,

I guess that most of the readers of this page are lesbians, dykes,
butches, femmes... (the occasional, and hopefully friendly male
reader be welcome as well), so you probably know how serious
coming out can be. Some of you may have had a surprisingly smooth
ride, others may have had it real rough, and some may have decided
to stay closeted for the foreseeable future.

There was no choice for me. Having to reverse everything that made
up my life until the fateful day that I could no longer fight what
my soul had been telling me for years -- that I am in fact a woman --
could not be kept in the dark. In fact, the law (in the place where
I live, Germany) demands that you go public, for at least 18 months
living as a woman, before you can even consider "sex affirmation
surgery" and the corresponding status change. Just imagine the faces
of my colleagues when I first turned up in a dress...

However, the term "transsexuality" does not really describe what's
going on in a person (and, yes, me) going through that loss of an
entire life and struggling to live up to a new identity that was
there all along, but had never been acted out, or at most
surreptitiously, and with lots of guilt and shame. It may just be
me, but "transidentity" describes it much better. Yes, sexuality
is a major part of it, but the way of thinking, the attitude towards
living are much larger parts of the process.

Or, on a lighter note, I now have 11 pairs of shoes (ballerina flats,
pumps, boots, and a pair of sandalets with two-inch heels -- hell,
it's not even easy to get those when you wear size 9.5 (UK)).

OK, I took a roundabout way to get to what might be interesting in
the context of this site: Do you think that a transwoman can write
stories "for the ladies"? I certainly try, and to come out as a
"translesbian" will give me no headache whatsoever. I am that.

The acceptance has been varied, though. When I submitted "Shell"
(btw my only story to make that topic -- well, a topic) to another
site that had published a few of my stories, that eventually led to
all of them being removed from that site. That's OK, it's their
site to begin with, so they get to tell what they do or don't want.
What irks me, is that they obviously had a problem with me being what
I am. But I must also mention my South African pen pal, who had no
problem at all with my coming out to her.

So what's your take? I'm donning my flame-proof underwear...

Joan Arling


Contact Joan and let her know how much you appreciate her courage. And read her stories HERE

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