Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Census

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed... Well, maybe not all the world... A decree from Cameron that all the UK should be taxed... and very taxing it is too.

In other words the census forms have arrived. As soon as I saw ours was here I looked at the clock. Not yet 6pm (18.00hrs). I made a coffee and waited. Sure enough at one minute after six the phone rang. (Calls are cheaper after 6pm.) It was my sister. As I had expected. Also as expected, she was furious.

"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CRAP!!"

Ow. I held the phone at arms length to protect what's left of my hearing. I could still hear her quite clearly. I let her rant for a bit. When it went quiet I figured it was safe to put the phone to my ear again. "I take it you've seen the questions," I said.

"SEEN THEM!!"

Oops. Arms length again. Eventually (at almost ten to seven) she calmed down enough to talk at a volume below 100 decibels.

My sister has been living in her own home and completing the ten-yearly census forms since at least 1981 and every single census year she rages about the form, government intrusiveness, "Big Brother", and "why do they need to know that - all they need is name, gender and age!!". Each time the forms have become more detailed, ask more questions, and generally raise the hackles of half the civil liberties groups in the country and bring her to explosion point. Each time she refuses to fill out some sections and each time she argues with the census taker and is threatened with prison. (It's a criminal offence to refuse to fill out all or part of the form).

People who don't know our family well think that she - a respectable, well-spoken, chartered accountant, mother, and charity volunteer would be the amenable type and I, the foul-mouthed, left-wing, motorcycle-riding, adrenaline junkie, would be the rebel. They'd be wrong. Being good little, obedient citizens, my cousin and I have always filled out our forms with nothing more than a quiet grumble.

This year, however, my sister has a point. The form asks some very pointed and totally unnecessary questions, which (although the information is supposed to remain secret for 100 years) look very much as if they're part of our current government's war on the welfare state. Not to mention the fact that they aren't being analysed by the civil service. This year they're being handle by Lockheed - a US American arms dealer (another of my sister's trigger points). The USA is not legally bound by UK data protection laws. If they chose they could data-mine for commercial purposes to their heart's (and bank-balance's) content and we could do nothing. In fact - given the draconian measures contained in the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act - the US government could require Lockheed to break the confidentiality seals and hand over every bit of information - no matter what their contract with the UK states, and all Cameron could do is express his displeasure.

Not good. I might even join my sister in her protest this year. Or I might just fill out the sections on "ethnic origin" as half black, half Chinese, even though I don't have a single drop of Chinese, Black, Asian or anything other that Anglo-Saxon and Celtic blood. (UK law states that nobody can decide your ethnicity but you. If you say you are black then nobody can question it; equally if you say you're white - even if you're obviously African, Black British or Asian - then you're officially white.)

Or I might put my religion down as "Jedi". We'll see.

Enjoy your updates. Goodnight and may your God/s go with you.

Ze

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1 comment:

UK said...

I'm really surprised that you are asked about "ethnic origin" - how do the government explain the need to have this info ? But then again - I guess they don't really explain the need at all?

UK

12:47 PM

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