Monday, October 19, 2009

Ramble from phair

I'm middle aged. Maybe a little more aged than middle but you get the idea that I'm not a kid but I'm not worried about falling and breaking a hip. Yet. You'd think at this semi-ripe age I'd be a bit more introspective than a twenty year old and you'd be right. I'm particularly so now with fall descending and Halloween around the corner; the festival of the dead. But, it is not death I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about family.

I'm not talking family in the nuclear sense. It's the extended crew. To be specific, I'm referring to my father's people. That's how my mother described them. She meant my dad's mother, brothers, sister, and their children and their children. My parents had an amazing, loving, musical life together. They were each others best friends and confidants. I never saw them fight and there were only two topics they could not discuss; FDR and Venetian blinds. In a nutshell, my parents happily completed each other as it should be with true love.

However, my mother was not liked by my father's family and her feelings were mutual. Their marriage was not acknowledged although it was legal and everybody attended the ceremony and ate up the roast beef at the reception. Dad's family spoke in terms of Matt's house, car and Marge's kids. Um, you don't have to be a genius to figure out the slight. Even as a child, I understood the implications. My Dad was a sensible sort and slowly, quietly chose sides. He pulled us back and limited our contact. No big blow out or scene, we just drifted away from the pack. Our relationship became hello/goodbye at weddings and funerals. It faded to less than four Christmas cards after my Dad's burial.

Twelve years passed. Then technology entered.

I joined Facebook because most of my friends were using it to stalk their teenagers. My own nieces were using it more than email so it killed two maintaining relationship birdies with one fiber optic rock. Unfortunately, I stink at computer stuff. My efforts to sign up for Facebook were successful but I accidentally emailed requests to join me to everybody in my personal address book; siblings, nephews, nieces, friends, my boss. Ouch. Dumb.

But...two of Dad's nephews who I still send Christmas Cards to replied. I was surprised. One that they would be my 'friend' on a silly college kid techno time waster and two that they were on a silly college kid techno time waster. Both are in their sixties. Oh, did I mention my Dad was significantly older than my Mom? His nieces and nephews were the same age as my Mom so they were starting families around the same time.

Families are like Tribbles. They multiple at alarming rates. Especially the Irish. I can say that because I am Irish. And, it's true. One family member led to another and that led to another and so on and so on. Today 15% of my Facebook friends are 'my father's people.'

Is this the modern version of hello/goodbye at weddings and funerals? Is this our brave new communication system to replace letters and phone calls? Is this progress or isolation? I don't know or care, to tell you the truth.

What I do know is simple. I'm able to share bits of our lives, shades of our fears, sparks of our loves, hints of our pain, greave our grief, inspire our dreams with people who know my past because it's their past too and see a little of my Dad in the mirror just like me. Blood is thicker than water and now I know it can flow across the information superhighway.

phair


Thanks, phair, for sharing...and good luck! On to your updates, enjoy them.

Elisa

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