Words from Joan

She once again shares with us her insights. Sometimes I wish I could give her a big hug, this is one of those times.

Let me offer my take on depression.

--snip--

Ze's ramble on Robbie Wiliams' death made me wonder if I should add my take on the subject -- not generally, but from a personal point of view.

I don't usually speak about this, but Ze's post made me aware that too few people know the hell real depression is.

I am depressed at not being promoted. About my partner wanting to leave me. About my daughter being a lesbian (evil grin here). You are not depressed. You are disappointed, unhappy, worrying. You might have problems sleeping properly, find yourself being unable to concentrate.

For a time. Whenever you can pinpoint the source of your bad feelings, you are not depressive.

Time heals wounds, even if it may not seem so for a while. So people say. And like all (or most) sayings, that is not always true. Think of the terrible wounds to their souls, not less than to their bodies, soldiers bring home from a battlefield. Sometimes, though, the reason for, in this case depression, is less obvious.

It's probably something that happened very early in life. The point is not that the parents did not love you, it's that perhaps they had no means of making you *feel* that they did. It's not about having done something wrong or having been done wrong to. It's finding yourself in a life where you can never ever be good enough for someone to really love you. So you try, frantically. And, of course, you fail. And again. You consider suicide (tried it myself a couple of times: messy, and harder than it seems or I wouldn't be writing this). I hope to avoid another attempt until my Ma, aged 81, passes before me. It would kill her. And that is about the only thing that keeps me alive; hope I can keep up the resolve.

Ze put it very succinctly: depression is not sorrow; it is a deep black hole you have not the ghost of a chance to climb out of.

Sorry to leave on a rather desperate note. Just thought you might be interested in an inside view.

Joan

Joan, one can only wish and hope for you to get some Peace within this place. May the light shine through.

Peace, Health and Happiness.

Elisa

BtVS
• Can't Fight It by Dajwoh (The Chosen Two Archives).
  
  Comics
  
• Jane's World: 08/14/14 by Paige Braddock (Go Comics).
  
  The Devil Wears Prada
  
• Chapter 19 of the Flawed Fragility by theladyholl (Devil Wears Prada).
  
  Grey's Anatomy
  
• Chapter 16 of Long Way Around by zenparadox (Callie_Arizona).
  
  Legend of the Seeker
  
• Chapter 1 of Pride & Destiny by chickinwhite (LotS Femslash).
  
  Original
  
• KC & Grumps 8 by Mickey Minner (her web site).
  
  
• KC Grumps 9 by Mickey Minner (her web site).
  
  
• KC & Grumps 10 by Mickey Minner (her web site).