Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ramble from Ze

Got lucky...a last minute ramble was sent in by the one and only Ze!
Last year the city council had a temporary ice rink for Christmas (we don't have a permanent one) but I couldn't go because I was too broken.

They have it up again this year.

Ok - that's enough, quiet down you lot... I can hear the groans from all the way across the Atlantic.

I'm not a good skater. Well... that's a bit of an understatement. I'm a crap skater. I skate about as well as a three-legged hippo. But I approach skating as I do much in life (or did before my motorcycle accident) - with a sense of adventure, a sense of joy in living and a sense of fun, totally inappropriate for my age but well in keeping with my (non-metric) shoe size. I'm an enthusiastic but haphazard skater. Think lots of flapping arms, three-quarters of the time horizontal not vertical (hmm...wait a mo... that's my life not just my skating... *g*) with a lot of laughter.

So I went skating. I went with a friend - who is an excellent skater (naturally - she's generally graceful in most of what she does).

It was pretty empty when we got there as it had only just opened and it doesn't get busy until the late afternoon/early evening. I figured that the fewer people there were the less likely I would be to cause mayhem. Crashing into two people doesn't have the same knock-on effect as crashing into the last six of a group of thirty... dominoes anybody??

I put my (rented) skates on and stood up.

So far so good. I took a step. Still vertical. Brilliant!! Now the hard bit. Off the carpet and onto the ice.

Right foot on the ice.

Still vertical and right foot stayed still. Even better.

Raised left foot in preparation of placing that on the ice also. Right foot began to move slightly.

Entered panic mode and attempted to stop right foot by placing left foot down quickly and raising right foot. Left foot hits ice and slides quickly - in opposite direction to right.

Damn that ice is cold on your bum.

Time to stand. Gather both feet under and push up. Yaay!! Vertical again. Right foot forward and off we go. Step, trip, stagger, scuffle. A whole quarter of the way round the rink.

Oh sh*t. Who put that barrier there.

Oooh - look at all the pretty lights.

My friend rushed over & checked quickly for concussion. Nah. I'm fine.

Back on the feet and more of the same. My friend was skating backwards and forwards and circling around me to make sure I was ok. Man I was so impressed, she can skate backwards. I managed a whole circuit of the rink without a) falling down and b) lifting a skate off the ice. For me that's practically Olympic gold medal standard. We were both starting to have a really good time by then. I'm acting like a big kid and grinning all over my face. (Daft expression that.... can you imagine what that would look like if you took it literally??) And my friend was smiling and showing off.

And then some bloody pillock arrives who thinks he's Christopher Dean and that my friend (as a really cute femme) can't possibly want to hang around with me when she could re-create Bolero with him. He started showing off. He's not half as good a skater as he thinks he is either. She ignored him. He started showing off even more and decided to do a jump with some sort of twirly bit in it (sorry - I don't know the proper terms for this - I don't follow skating as a sport). And since he isn't that good he crashed on landing.

Unfortunately I was in his path as he slid across the ice.

Did you know you can dislocate your knee??

Nope. Me neither.

But you can.

And Jesus H Christ does it hurt.

And who knew that my friend could use language like that. Boy was she upset. She took his ancestry back about four generations and cast aspersions on them all.

He called her a f*ckin' dyke. Blimey mate - that's imaginative did it hurt to think that hard??

The manager came over. My friend did her best upper-middle-class-professional-severely-upset-and-thinking-of-legal-advice routine. We got a refund, a free gluhwein, a voucher for a free skating session and a taxi to the hospital. He got chucked out and banned. I decided I don't like gluhwein.

The doc gave me a shot of something that put me out like a light and she put my knee back in. Then they gave me a scrip for codeine phosphate and sent me home. The friend came home with me (hospital said I needed someone with me while I was still stoned) and made me coffee and set up a gel pack for my leg and is now pampering me like crazy.

She's cute when she worries.

Ow!! She hit me!! She was reading over my shoulder when I typed that last bit (which of course was why I typed it *g*).She has to go soon as she's meeting her g/f - they're off to the g/f's work Christmas meal tonight. She wanted to make sure I was ok after the shot wore off. Which I am. It aches like blazes but will be ok to walk on tomorrow.The best bit?? The rink is there until 2nd January. I'll be ok to go again long before that. And it'll be free!! I can't wait. Neither can my orthopaedic surgeon.

Ze


I realize I should be feeling bad, which of course I do, but that was after a good bit of laughing. Once again Ze's incredible sense of adventure leaves me smiling. Hey, mate, I do hope you mend quickly.

Now back to your updates, enjoy 'em!

Elisa


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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG only Ze can take an experience where she ends up in the hospital w/ a dislocated knee and have you laughing your eyes out! Glad you're ok Ze and please stay off the ice.

5:10 PM
Anonymous said...

Thanks Mocha.....

But stay off the ice?? Where's the fun in that!! *g*

5:49 AM

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