Thursday, February 08, 2007

Ramble from Alex Tryst

Yeah ramble night. Take it away Alex!
Hello everyone out there. How's it going? I have something I've been thinking about for the last several days. It's something I've been trying to explain to my best pal at work, but he hasn't quite gotten it yet, so I told him I was going to pose it to the masses. You know, people say that you can tell if a woman is a lesbian or not. People have their various techniques for deciphering the sometimes confusing code women project. Everything from the way she dresses to her fingernails to her hobbies are scrutinized. The way she interacts with others, and the general vibe she puts out are questioned (Obviously just asking is the best method but that can be complicated).

Maybe it's a sign of the changing times or of a younger generation that makes what used to be crystal clear to me a bit murkier. I don't really know, but in an effort to combat that confusion, my wife came up with and I am testing a new way to decide once and for all if she is or isn't. It's called "The Shoe Theory", and it goes a little something like this.

To begin with, "The Shoe Theory" only covers everyday wear. I'm excluding cowboy boots of all kinds for the most part, because most dress cowboy boots have pointed tips and a heel of some sort. Other types of boots, tennis shoes, and sandals are also out. I'm talking about the business casual or business wear shoes that most women have to wear in the workplace or just out with friends.

Here is the way I see it so far. Lesbians don't wear pointed shoes (Lipstick lesbians might disagree with me there.). They always wear shoe styles that are rounded at the toe or possibly squared off at the toe. Heels for the most part are out with the exception of those who are actually trying to add to their height for some reason, and even then, they have a round or squared toe to them, but most of them just don't wear heels.

Conversely, straight women rarely wear rounded toe shoes. They usually come to a point or start to narrow but have the squared off look. They are more prone to wear heels for reasons other than adding height.

The reason this came up originally was because my best friend from college who is straight was misconstrued as a lesbian, which always happens to her, and my wife's explanation was it was because of the shoes. She was wearing clunking rounded shoes just like I was. The woman who had questioned her sexuality was straight, and she had been wearing high pointed heels. My wife, who is about as lipstick as they come, was wearing squared off shoes with a small heel on them. Other than that, we were all dressed in jeans and casual tops for an evening out. It was that moment that "The Shoe Theory" was born, and I've been trying to perfect it since.

Now I've come to realize it's not a perfect system. In fact, it should be used in conjunction with the other typical "testing" we run on each other, but I have come to see there can be some validity to this theory. It has worked for me more than not.

At present I am running a battery of "tests" on someone at work, who I swear is on the team, but she says she's not (My wife thinks she is one of us, too.). Of course everything she does goes contrary to what she says, at least in my book. Here's the rundown in highlights. She plays softball, basketball, football, lacrosse, and field hockey in her spare time. She doesn't wear skirts or dresses. Her nails are kept trimmed and short. She's had the same boyfriend since she was a senior in high school (she's now 23). She's Catholic, and I'm beginning to think I scare her. Call it my magnetism. Yesterday I decided to run "The Shoe Theory" on her, and it came back that she was wearing square toed shoes no or minimal heel (I couldn't really tell.). So I'm still at a loss. I lean strongly for her being a team player, but she says she isn't. I think she's scared of reality. I've been with lots of women in this category. Coming out isn’t always easy, especially in a religious family.

Anyway, I digress. You all can give me tips on how to figure out once and for all without allowing myself to get fired. The point is "The Shoe Theory" I think can be a decisive factor in lesbian "testing". What do you all think? Do you feel the same way? Do you have other theories that I haven't considered?

Comments of course are always welcome at alextryst@hotmail.com. I'd love to hear what you all have to say!

Alex Tryst


Thanks, Alex, for the ramble! If you are looking for more of Alex's words check out her stories at E-Scribblers.com.

Enjoy your updates.

Elisa

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