Monday, March 01, 2010

Phair Ramble Part 2

Take it away, phair
For the first time since the summer of 1993, I'm not positive what comes next. I was laid off from a job I loved in 1993. I was bumped out by my manager accepting a downsize to staff level when her position was cut. My backup plan was immediately activated; money was coming in from a tiny severance package, there was potential for unemployment if things dragged out longer than six weeks, COBRA was available for health insurance, besides it was summer and we were living at the beach. So what did I do? I raced to find another job as quickly as possible. Ten days later, I started the next phase of my career by an accident of circumstance and timing. I rocketed to manager level.

The rest of my career kind of careened along in a similar manner. Staff level jobs during higher reimbursement cycles and manager level jobs during lower per diem phases. Healthcare salaries ebb and flow with stock trading. Bull markets and we are living in high times in healthcare. Bear markets mean budget tightening. When things are bearish, you might hear hospital administrators wonder out loud if, perhaps, instead of billing the patients just for the pills they are taking maybe they should be charged a nominal fee for the 4 ounces of water as well. During a particular low point in 2008, one unscrupulous nursing facility issued each patient one Styrofoam cup per day. If the cup was lost, stolen, or eaten there would be repercussions. Of course, there were repercussions, the state put the facility into receivership and forced a sale to a more responsible corporation. But, let's save discussions of corporate healthcare for another time.

We're talking about me and I'm in a free fall.

It is different than a downward spiral only in the fact that all potentials remain in play. There's no substance to be unabashed for. No health issue to be cured/treated/recurred. No family to make functional. No child care to be unissued.

I just stopped following the plan. I'm ignoring my backup plan as well. It's still there. A new job is scheduled to start next week. I have a few things more to do before I report. I can easily accomplish those things but I haven't done them yet. That's what I mean by ignoring my plan. I should be online learning to do CPR – it's required. I should be buying new clothes – my pants are baggy since I lost weight. I should get a Net book – it's trendy.

But, I not doing any of those things. Instead, I'm spending a great deal of time playing Farmville. And, I'm thinking while tending my virtual crops and milking my cartoon cows. Thinking about what I don't want to do anymore. And, more important, I'm thinking about what I actually do want to do.

I've had a running joke with my nieces for years now. Whenever I have made a job change, I tell them it is because my boss refused to appreciate my unique specialness so I fired them. Perhaps, it is less of a joke than I've ever wanted to really admit. But, there's a chance that it is not my bosses who were failing. Maybe, it's been me missing the point. It could be that I've been ignoring my unique specialness and settling for the safe plan since second semester of first grade. Maybe it is time to stop being so very safe and just live.

Free falling still. Wind racing through my hair. Heart beating triple time. Holding my breath. Waiting to see what happens next. Because, I just don’t know...

We'll look forward to another update soon! Thanks for the ramble, phair! Now back to your updates...enjoy 'em!

Elisa

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