Sunday, October 09, 2011

Ramble from phair

Words from another, take it away phair.
Routine isn't always simple. I found that out two weeks ago sitting in the dentist's getting a cleaning.

"How long has this been here?" She asked in the tone professionals use when they become concerned.

"My PCP said it was nothing," I knew the reply wasn't exactly an answer so her follow up was not unexpected.

"Let's get Dr. Tabah to take a look. But, I’ll snap some pictures first, okay?"

She asked like I could actually say no with her hand holding my lip down.

Less than a dozen heartbeats later the dentist was saying, "I don't like the look of that."

Less than three hours later, I was in an oral surgeon's chair with a very large needle piercing my lip listening to the words you hope never to hear. "We'll send it for biopsy."

In just under eight hours, I heard two of the worst sentences a doctor could utter; 'I don't like the look of that' and 'biopsy.' I rocketed from annoyed with a small change in my daily schedule for routine dental maintenance to terrified that my mouthful of new stitches were holding together cancerous tissue. I had this unreasonable desire to rip my own lip off with my bare hands.

So, I sat in my car to gather my wits enough to drive and not mutilate myself. I was in the downtown section of the depressed city of my youth. So little had changed since my last visit there. It was amazing how little had changed since the day I first arrived in 1974. It was still gritty and poor and desparate. But, I am an adult now without the parent who brought me here and the brother who promised never to leave me. But, that is a wishful promise none of us can keep.

I thought of my old and much missed friend AC Henley. Years ago, while she was battling for her life against cancer, she told me she struggled to get her doc's attention to run more tests when her symptoms persisted but there were delays.

Precious time lost looking at the wrong information. By the time her cancer was discovered, she was facing a deeply entrenched disease. She fought hard but could not beat back that hideous illness. She was taken from us far too soon.

As I sat in my car, shaking from fear and a post surgical adrenline rush, the rain began to hammer the Jeep. And, in spite of it and the impoverished surroundings, I felt grateful to live where I live with ample doctors nearby and health insurance to cover the bulk of the expense. My fears about what the test would show ebbed a little thinking how happy AC would be to hear that even though one doc ignored the growth in my mouth the next doctor didn't and the specialist took immediate action. Whatever was in my mouth was out within three weeks of the first time I noticed it.

It struck me then that AC and I are at another cross roads of sorts. Her novel, McKee has been re-released by L-Book. It is the novel as she first envisioned it reedited by her wife, Sherry. My book, Coward, will be released in December of the year. This marks the first time AC and I will be with the same publisher and I could not think of a better novel to proceed my own. I miss her wit and her prose and look forward to savoring her words once more.

I have been extremely lucky. My biopsy was negative. However my doc was spooked enough to order a boat load of follow up tests to rule out everything that could be wrong. Which is inconvenient but prudent. I wish somebody had ordered these inconvenient tests for AC when she asked the first time. It is painful to think how much time we lost with her and how many stories she did not get to tell us. It is our loss.

http://l-book.com/ac-mckee.html
http://l-book.com/


Well, phair, keep the luck. Negative is good.

Peace, Health and Happiness y'all!

Elisa



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