Ramble from Phair

Another day in the life of Phair.

Another Dog's Day

It seems like a lifetime ago I wrote my last ramble. In a very real sense, it was a lifetime or, to be more exact, the end of a lifetime. Scout's symptoms worsened rapidly after my posting.

The weekend before July 4th, I was off work for a long weekend. I must have realized on some level below reason I should stay home with him. My fridge was full of food. Usually, I shop one day at a time for daily meals but I stocked up on all the things I could possible want during the prior week's big grocery run. So, there was nothing to drag me away from his side. Scout and I spent every moment of that weekend together.

Tuesday, I made a doc's visit for the annual rite of GYN humiliation. When I got home, I took Scout out. He came to me housebroken and rarely had an accident. So, even at his sickest, he wouldn't mess in the house. He stumbled a bit but at the backstairs he started to shake. I took a minute to understand Scout couldn't make it back up the stairs.

I tried coaxing but he was too unsteady. Finally, I got behind him and pushed. He let me do this and struggled to get his front paws up the steps while I supported the rest of him. It almost worked perfectly. With his front paws on the top step and he back paws on the third and me on the forth with my hands on his hips, Scout collapsed into my arms.

Somehow I managed to hoist both of us onto the porch. Tears streamed down my face as I reassured him. "Everything's gonna be alright, Boy."

He looked at me and I could see the message in his eyes, "Do something!"

My denial ended with a dim twinkle of brown eyes. Once in the house, he staggered off to curl up on the living room rug. I called the vet. They would squeeze us in Wednesday morning.

Scout couldn't eat anything. He hadn't eaten much all weekend. He did keep drinking like he'd never tasted water before. When bedtime approached, Scout seemed resigned to his being alone. Twelve stairs up to my bedroom would be impossible. I can count on my fingers and toes the nights the two of us slept apart. There was no need to add another.

I flipped open the futon and made it up under his watchful eyes. After shutting off the lights, I settled into the rock hard cushion hoping for a couple of hours rest. Scout got up with a heavy groan and licked my hand. He repositioned himself beside the sofa; still guarding me, as always.

Scout had congestive heart failure most likely caused by a tumor. There was nothing the vet could do; no surgery, no pills, no decision. It was time to love Scout enough to say goodbye. The vet gave him something to help him relax. He dropped like a stone into my lap. It must have been the first easy breaths he'd drawn in days. I kept telling him it was okay to go find Thom. I want to believe Scout had already found Thom before the vet gave the last shot. Scout died with his head in my lap Wednesday July 2 at 9:30 am.

This is where things get... surreal...

The vet, who usually is extremely professional, said something outrageous. She, a wife and mother, lost both her dogs recently. She couldn't get through the next weekend without a dog in the house. You'd think her family would keep her un-lonely enough.

"I'm a dog person, I need a dog. You're a dog person, you need a dog," she said as she handed me tissue after tissue.

It was a completely inappropriate conversation considering Scout's still body was still at our feet. I could've got angry. I could've got hysterical. I could've got physical. Instead, I got the breeder's phone number. Five minutes later, I was sitting in a yard surrounded by twelve yellow labs. Nine of which were three weeks old and for sale at a bargain rate of $700.

I stayed a while trying to ease my broken heart. One of the puppies waddled over and fell asleep on my shoe. It didn't look comfortable so I picked her up. She immediately licked my face. I sobbed into her soft fur.

The breeder said it was too soon to pick one out. She said I'd have second choice if I showed up at the vet's in three weeks with cash.

Once my head cleared from the fog of grief, I convinced myself not to get the puppy. Why rush? Wait a while.

I would've stuck with that plan but somebody knocked on my door the day after July 4th. There have only been five knocks at my door in two years and I was expecting three of those knocks. My immediate reaction was to grab Scout so he couldn't charge the door. Then I remembered, I was all alone.

It turned out to be a benign neighbor knocking. He'd broken down and wanted to leave his car in front of my house. No worries. But, the point was made, I was alone and vulnerable. Scout would be pissed if I let my guard down now after all the years he put into caring for me; guarding me. I called the breeder and made an appointment to see the puppies again.

They changed. A lot. I lost hope of finding the one that picked me out a week before. She was a yellow lab in a sea of yellow labs. All I could remember was she had soft versus coarse fur, she was more white than yellow, and she's a girl. Several people were there and I enlisted them in helping identify the females. Then I eliminated the coarse fur pups. But, I was having no luck. A woman in the room grew tired of my search and got up to leave. She put down a little whitish, soft fur pup. The pup took two hops toward me. I scooped her up and confirmed she was a she. As soon as I turned her to hold against my chest, she licked my face. It was her. I found my friend. I found my Dakota.

Scout was a good dog and a great friend who stayed by my side during long hours of writing. It's only fitting he have a place at my site. Go to http://www.phair1.com/scout.html to view his page.

Phair

Phair, Scout is at peace and life brought you what you needed now. Dakota found her new family. Thanks for sharing. We appreciate it. Best of luck.

Enjoy your updates.

Elisa

BtVS

• Pony Time by DragonWriter17 (her web site).
  
  
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• Chapter 12 of Intricate: Faith's Story by Felidae Silvestris (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  
• Chapter 9 of Come Back Soon by claymonster (BuffynFaith.Net).
  
  Comics
  
• 7/29/08 of Jane's World by Paige Braddock (Comics.com).
  
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• Part 1 of Thin Frames by Patricia L. Givens (A.D.A. Office; New Evidence).
  
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• Parts 13-20 of Destiny's Choice by Karen Hockemeyer (Academy of Bards).
  
  
• Chapters 1-7 of Island of Belleza Part 2 by Cam Taylor (Academy of Bards).
  
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• The Wish Fulfilling Jewel by Xena's Dialectic (Academy of Bards).