Monday, May 26, 2008

Ramble from Phair

I got Lucky, Phair took me up on my whine for a ramble. And this one made me laugh, enjoy.

I'm a Crab just like my Neighbors

You'd think the worst thing about living at the beach would be hurricanes. Or, perhaps, a nor'easter. Or, the isolation during the long, cold winter months. Or, the constant fear that everything you own could be swept into the sea on the next stormy high tide. However, it is none of those things. The worst part of living at the beach is...uninvited guests.

Sometimes they show up, knocking at my door. If I'm lucky it starts with a phone call and a breathless voice saying, "oh good, you're home..." Deep in my heart, I want to throw the phone out the window and crawl under my bed. Instead, I reply, "ya, what's up?" I will then get one of three gut wrenching stories.

1. "Blank and I were just out for a ride and found ourselves at the edge of town..." The fact that the edge of town is the edge of Massachusetts and even the worst driver would be hard pressed to just find themselves at the end of a road ten miles from the nearest highway. "...how 'bout you put on a pot of coffee and we'll pick up the Entenmann's?" Great. I hate coffee and Entenmann's so be sure you get something with raspberries because I'm allergic to those. Thanks, friend!

2. "Blank and I were having a day trip with all the kids but the parking lots are full...," and expensive while my lonely four car driveway sits with only the jeep to keep it company. I must be some sort of fool not to have called you guys first to come down and help fill up the empty spaces.

3. Then there is my personal favorite, "We've been working so hard lately that Blank and I decided to treat ourselves. We had a lovely dinner and a romantic walk on the beach, just the two of us under the stars, and we now we're wondering, could we use your bathroom before we drive all the way back home?" What a terrific idea! My water rates are three times yours rates but who wants to quibble about money on your special night. Should I chill wine to serve you both on the porch so you can continue your absolutely scrumptious evening after you take a dump in my toilet?

I know, you folks are going to think I'm selfish. Well, I am selfish. I do love my family and friends but I LOVE my privacy too. For the first 21 years of my life, I lived in the three bedroom/one bathroom fish bowl of my parents' home with six other siblings. The numbers of roommates dwindled until it was my sister and me during the last twelve years of my parents' lives. My sister and I got very little help during the folks' golden years. My other siblings would drop by from time to time to visit with their wives and kids and we'd make everybody dinner and then get to clean up after they left. Fun, Fun, Fun.

But, that part of my life is now part of my past. I did the work I needed to do to fulfill my obligation for being born and I moved on. Moved on to the beach, that is. I pay the mortgage for it on my ownsome. I care for it on my ownsome. I hold the fort during blizzards and hurricanes by myself with or without running water or electricity. In other words, I do what I'm supposed to do and take care of myself without bothering anybody else.

Ya, I'm a jerk for being bitchy about family and friends. I should consider myself lucky to have any people who love me enough to take advantage of me. And yes, I still let them park in my driveway and use my bathroom. But, deep down inside I can't stop thinking that none of these people ever show up uninvited to just shovel the snow out of my driveway.

Phair
aka Mullaney


Okay, Phair I want to say I completely agree with you and I am just another cranky bitch, hence I would feel the same way.

On to your updates and enjoy!

Elisa

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