Saturday, June 14, 2008

Pooped

I survived my Chalice Camp overnight. It's tradition to have the junior counselors camp out the last day of Chalice Camp. Usually Mike is one of the responsible adults but his mother got married today and he needed to be at her house this morning pretty early. We could have blown it off but with the move to Seattle this would be Duncan's last camp out.

All went well last night. The kids canoed on the pond and swam. They played with fire, listened to music, made hobo pockets for dinner, roasted marshmallows and generally acted like a bunch of middle school age kids. Cal was, of course, fascinated by the fire. What kid isn't. Mike made it to the campground in time to watch the kids swim and eat dinner. He hung out until around 1 am and headed back home.

By ten Cal and I were in our tent and he was sleeping like the dead. Sleeping so soundly in fact that he never heard the thunderstorm that hit around midnight. He missed me cursing as I fiddled with a stuck zipper on the tent door in the wee hours of the morning. That 4 am pee is a killer when you have to hike with a flashlight to the bathrooms. He missed his brother coming in around 3 am shivering and cold because the door to the boys tent wasn't shut properly and cold rain got into it during the night.

We did manage to make it to my mother-in-law's wedding on time. Let's forget the fact that I managed to screw up my google maps directions on the way back and missed an important turn. We still made it by golly just not as early as I'd intended. Tonight we're all sitting around like zombies thankful that tomorrow will be a lazy, relaxing Sunday.

Tamara

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Friday, June 13, 2008

Work Week Ends

Now the house work begins. Seems there is a never ending pattern. Oh well, keeps me out of trouble (most of the time).

I am still waiting for spring as Seattle's weather is stalled. However, on the much brighter side I would prefer our cold drizzly gray days compared to those poor folks on the east-cost with the heat waves or even the flooding in the mid-west. Best of luck to all of you.

Now back to the updates and enjoy!

Elisa

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Busy

More sorting through our stuff today. The kids' clothes are officially culled. Tomorrow while they're at camp I'm going to use the time to go through some toys and get rid of things. I could never do that with them here. They would insist that the item I was removing was their absolute favorite and they'd be crushed if it couldn't follow them to Washington.

My afternoon will be spent going to the camp where the kids have been all week and setting up to spend the night in a tent. Fun! Mike will be making an appearance but heading home for the night to sleep. His mom is getting married on Saturday and he's in the wedding. I'm longing for Sunday's peace and quiet already....

Tamara

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Mid Week

Today brings us one day closer to my vacation. In ten days Tamara and I will meet up with children and grandparents for 6 fun-filled days at Disneyland. Between now and then it seems I need to get busy. Work and home all need to be dealt with and me procrastinating is leaving time to be a bit squeezed as we move forward.

So tonight a quick reminder, life brings us opportunities in so many ways. Don't overlook what may be a moment of greatness. Enjoy your updates.

Elisa

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bad Day...

...And entirely of my own making. Let those writers know what you think.

Tamara

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Monday, June 09, 2008

Ramble from Phair

Yippee...another shared moment from Phair.
Last week, I spent Sunday with five of the most important women in my life. My three nieces, sisters all, and their mother, my sister in law, and my own sister had cleared their collective schedules for us to meet and eat and see Sex and the City.

I got the tickets in advance via the computer and $60 with of credit card debt. I felt like a friggin' genius being able to figure out the directions on my lonesome. Many modern skills are unlearnable for folks in the over 40 crowd. Folks like me.

The Jeep was tanked up the night before with $71 worth of gas. We'll discuss my enormous carbon foot print another time. I set off with time to spare so, no matter what traffic awaited me, I would arrive on time.

Twenty six miles later, I arrived at my sister's house. Her boy ran up and hugged me around the knees while chanting, "Gee Gee Gee." It's all he is able to pronounce of my extensive first name. However, it is more than good enough for me. My heart always feels like it will burst when this kid hugs me. Tears are always close when I hug him back. "I love you more," I whisper in his sweet ear.

My sister's eight month old daughter is more suspicious of me. I swear she remembers that when I show up her Mom disappears for a while. And, the girl will have nothing to do with me. She gave me a quick frown and turned her head away to make me disappear.

We make our departure without tears. Next we picked up my oldest niece. Her escape plan was flawless. All her kids were down for naps and she waited in the yard for us to arrive. We were off in great time for our hour drive to my sister in law's house. My other two nieces would meet us there. The plan seemed reasonable sound. Meet. Eat. Go to the movies. In hindsight, I should have seen trouble on the horizon.

As we approached my sister in law's exit, I suggested we call and order the pizza. My niece fearing her mom would do the same called the house to check. My sister in law insisted the pizza be delivered.

"But we're going right past the place," I tried.

My sister in law had a coupon which was only good for delivery. There is no way to win with my sister in law if there is a discount involved. She almost wet herself when I told her I got the tickets for matinee prices. No, we could not win against a 2 for 1 special.

Here's where things get fuzzy for me. We were waiting and laughing; poking fun at each other. You know, locker room humor for girls. Then I saw it out of the corner of my eye. My sister's chin quivered. Oh no, tears. We strayed too close to a sore and tender wound that is nowhere near healing. We should have known better. It happened so fast. Tears turned to deep, gut wrenching sobs. I did the only thing I'm truly equipped to do. I locked myself in the bathroom and wept into two handfuls of toilet paper. See, I'm good in a crisis because I know my limitations. Hiding is my strong suit.

Fortunately, my sister in law keeps her bathroom well stacked with reading supplies. There's always a Yankee hanging around. This time I got lucky. There was a copy of YOU, the owner's manual. A pretty good read.

Anyway, I managed to stop crying and came out of the bathroom when my sister knocked. We shared a couple of dumb exchanges and a few more tears. Then it was time for pizza. I had my pizza with Advil on top. Slowly, we began to rebuild our momentum, one chuckle at a time.

We were almost back to pre-sob levels as we walked out the door to the Jeep. I got in behind the steering wheel while bodies piled into the usually unused seats. Somebody got jammed in the wayback. Out of habit, I check my phone. I swear I was just looking at the time.

Firing up the engine, I press for messages. It's my GYN (sorry, I can't spell gynecologist). She's wondering if I've repeated some tests I took months ago. WTF! It's a Sunday afternoon. My sister knows something's wrong. "Switch seats," she says, "and call your doc back." It's Sunday afternoon.

My support team began to rattle off all the good reasons my doc would call me. None are anything I should be alarmed about. They're all reassuring but, IT'S SUNDAY AFTERNOON. My doc was easily reachable but the call cut out before she got to the point of calling me on a Sunday afternoon.

Bars.
No bars.
Bars.
No bars.
Bars.
Ring.

Okay, the doc is not worried, so to speak. She just wants me to be sure to repeat the tests. And, get back to visit her. Make an appointment for June 27. Oh yeah, enjoy the movie. My doc is also my sister's doc and my sister in law's doc; one big, usually, happy family.

And, we pull into the parking lot.

Getting to tickets from the kiosk (don't you just love that word) was remarkably easy...if you put your credit card in right. Done. Tickets in hand, it was time to divide and conquer. Nieces and Sister in law go for the seats. My sister and me go for the food. Hey, I'm a large mammal, I know my strengths.

While we were waiting for two hot tubs of buttered popcorn and three reservoirs of diet coke, my sister looked at me and her lip quivered. Don't. Her eyes fill. No. She opens her mouth to speak. Stop. And she says, "Sorry." Fine. I survived the moment without reducing myself to a blubbering mess...again. "Okay, we finished it. Now, let's never speak of this again." Agreed.

I know, you're gonna ask, "How was the movie?" Not nearly as dramatic as the trip to get there.

Phair


Well, the moments getting there are actually more important. Movies come and go, the memories of our life stay with us forever. Glad you got both. Thanks, Phair, for sharing...we appreciate it!

Now on to your updates, enjoy 'em.

Elisa

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Sunday, June 08, 2008

Damn

A weekend of visiting relatives and I've done absolutely nothing yet feel wiped. Probably a result of too much chit chatting and having to be "on". I'm actually looking forward to my Monday filled with nothing but organizing our stuff. The kids will be at Chalice Camp all week so 8 hours or so each day of quiet will be blissful.

Tamara

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Saturday, June 07, 2008

Weekend Slug

Seattle is going through some rare cold June days. I'm hoping for the return of some warmer weather soon. It does let me off the hook to mow the yard though. On and off rain all day isn't prime mowing weather. Hence...slug I am, sadly I'm not alone as I can watch them slide across my back porch area.

An odd thing for me, but I actually look forward to a bit more sun and soon. Until then I will put a log on the fire and try to warm up my house without turning on the dreaded heat again.

Now back to your updates, enjoy 'em!

Elisa

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Friday, June 06, 2008

Hot!

My summer heat is in full swing...I'm soaking it up because I know I won't be getting that in Seattle.

Today Duncan and I took apart the old swing set and hauled mucho crap to the curb for junk haul off on Monday. I was sure wishing we had set up the pool for a quick cool off.

Tamara

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Thursday, June 05, 2008

Spring or Fall?

Today oddly enough feels closer to fall than spring. One of those heavy gray days with no sunbreaks but filled with off and on rain and in the mid 40's, brrrr. I actually turned my heat back on. I turned off that puppy mid May and sadly was forced into turning it back on today. I think both cats and my daughter are pleased with that choice as am I at the moment.

So now back to your updates, enjoy 'em.

Elisa

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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Little Steps

The first part of moving begins: sorting through the crap in Duncan's room. My task today was made easier because Duncan didn't help me. Yesterday he went through the trash and "rescued" a few items. I told him that if he didn't help he didn't have the right to double check my trash. Score one for mom.

Cal's room will be easier. He doesn't have that twelve year old boy tendency to be a slob. I found dirty socks that have been hidden for months, candy wrappers, gum wrappers, a dish or two, homework (probably some that he "lost" and didn't turn in as a result), and bits of toys. A big box is full of stuff for garage sale/thrift store and I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. But only when it comes to his room. The rest of the house awaits....

Tamara

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Ramble from Jayden

Tonight an author's ramble/request....
Okay, I'll admit it. I have a problem.

That's the first step right? Admitting it? Okay, so I've admitted it, now what?

Well, sweet baby Moses in a reed basket, what good does it me to take the first step if I don't know what the second one is?

I have a problem. And I feel comfortable talking about it because I am certain that someone out there will empathize, share my agony. I can't be the only one who feels like this, can I? Am I really all alone out there, in this big scary world? Does no one understand what it's like to feel this way? Am I just some freak of Nature without precedent?

I try to ignore it, try to stave off the compulsion, but willpower only goes so far. It starts out as a tiny voice in the back of my mind, baiting me. Then the voice isn't so tiny anymore and it doesn't plead or beg anymore, it commands. "Just one," It tells me. "Just this once, you can handle it." I've tried and tried, but I can't do it on my own. It's too big for me to conquer on my own. I need help. Your help. Someone's help. There are twelve steps, right? I've got the first step down. I've admitted it. I need someone to tell me what the second step is.

I have a problem. Whenever I post a new story, whether it be a tasty morsel of femslash or a snippet of my original works, I can't help myself. I might be able to struggle against the urges for awhile, but inevitably I fall into the same sick pattern. Point. Click. Refresh. Point. Click. Refresh. Until I'm lost to my obsession again.

I can't stop it, once it starts. That one click turns into another that turns into twenty. Pretty soon I'm checking my e-mail every five minutes and checking the web statistics on my site. I have to know: has someone sent me feedback? Are people even reading my site? How many hits since I last checked? Inevitably I spiral downwards until my finger is bleeding from tapping the refresh key and I'm curled into the fetal position, a tired, broken wee lesbian.

I can't help it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. And I keep checking and checking my e-mail despite the fact it is always empty. I even click the refresh button twice in a row really quick because I don't believe Hotmail when it tells me my inbox is empty.

I've struggled with it. The shame, the guilt. The weird looks my girlfriend gives me when my head hits the keyboard as I collapse into a weeping, snotty heap. I can't do it anymore, I can't go on like this. There is only so many times I can hit rock bottom, so many times I can squeegee the tears from my monitor.

You can help. It's easy for you to turn your back, to walk away if you or no one you know has ever had this problem, but for the love of lesbians, put yourself in my shoes. If you were me, wouldn't you want to know that people cared? That you weren't totally alone in the world?

With your help, I'm sure I can pull through this. All I ask is for a bit of understanding, a smidgen of support, and a little feedback. Take a moment or two out of your busy lives. If you read my writing, leave a comment, send an e-mail, if you loved it or hated it. It doesn't matter. I just want to know. And it isn't as if people aren't reading it; I obsessively track the web stats, remember? Please, find it in your hearts to spare a few words of tender encouragement or even a violent flame, if not for me, then for the little Jayden in us all.

It wasn't easy to make the decision to come forward with my problem. I am sure some people will judge me, think I'm weak or sick. Some people will pretend they never read this. But if I've helped one person, one lesbian with the same problem as me, then it is all worth it. Hopefully, by coming forward with my problem, I will give others the strength and courage to deal with their own feedback addictions.

Together, we can build a world where a lesbian writer never signs onto an empty inbox.

Jayden Scott


There you have it! Take some time to check out Jayden's Stories and let her know your thoughts. She will appreciate it!

Now back to your updates, enjoy 'em.

Elisa

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Monday, June 02, 2008

Not just another Monday....

I was wrong. Indy 4 was a lot of fun. I officially enjoyed it as much as I did the first one. That just goes to prove that only Indy movies with Karen Allen in them are worth a darn.

In other news...the Hodge Lodge is moving to Washington. Mike has gotten his Microsoft dream job and the kids and I will have a summer of packing. I'm a little freaked out as you might imagine. One step at a time....

Tamara

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Sunday, June 01, 2008

Another Month

Somehow June always makes me think of summer and those younger school days of excitement when I would have weeks of uninterrupted running around with other kids in the neighborhood.

This time around though I'm thinking about vacation, which is a few weeks away. Aw, something to look forward to.

Hope you have something splendid to think of as well. Enjoy your updates!

Elisa

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